So you had a nice bowl of Thai noodles and then had to hit the can. You didn`t realize, that this big spicy serving would cause you to go nuclear on your toilet and drop a deuce that would make a sumo wrestler proud. And now… your toilet is clogged due to the mother of all booty-cakes.
Fear not comrade, having experienced what you are going through right now, I can assure you that one of the following methods is certain to clear the massive clog in your WC.
1. The Soap & Hot Water Method
The biggest mistake I made after dropping my bio-boulders, is that I flushed. Clearly, the toilet was not going to tolerate the monstrosity I had just inflicted on it, and it overflowed… spreading the little fecal remnants all over the washroom.
Aside from the fact that entire apartment smelled like you know what, I had chocolaty water all over the washroom floor. I had to get out of there and open all windows to get some fresh air in.
After a fresh intake of oxygen and getting my senses together, I went about making a plan on how to defeat the turdy chunks…
First, I went and got some elbow length plastic gloves and some rain pants to avoid skin contact with the human waste. Then, I went about implementing the soap & hot water technique for unclogging the toilet.
So the first step in applying this method is that you take your dish-washing detergent and squirt a very liberal amount into the toilet bowl. Next.. you fill up a large container with hot water and slowly pour it into the toilet bowl (keyword: slowly! Trust me, you don`t want them little corn dogs splash on your face and get infected with E-coli).
After pouring hot water in, you might want to wait for about an hour for the soap and hot water to do their job. This combo will help break down the elements within your WC so it would be easier to flush.
But hold your horses pardner! Don`t be so quick to hit that lever. You have to wait for the water level to go down and then pour more hot water in and let gravity do its thing.
So now it`s time…to attempt the flush. But before you push the lever, remove the water tank cover and lift the flapper that lets the water into the toilet bowl. This way, you can control the amount of water that will fill the bowl and you can immediately shut the flapper down if you see that the WC is about to overflow.
90% of the time, applying this method 2-3 times does the trick and your toilet can be flushed. Unfortunately in my case, the olympic sized crapola was too burdensome for this technique to be helpful, even after doing this 5 times. So I had to move onto the next method…
2. The Coca-Cola Method
I had read that phosphoric acid in Coca-Cola can help break down particles, so I went to the grocery store and bought myself two 2-liter bottles of Coke. (You should get RC Cola if you can since it is more acidic (i.e. higher pH) but I could not find RC so I went with Coke.
I got home and poured one full bottle into the toilet and then waited…and waited…and waited some more.
The water level went down, but not by much, so I poured in another half a bottle of Coke and some more dishwashing soap, and another half a gallon of hot water, and then waited another hour.
After an hour, the water level went down significantly in the toilet, but it still would not flush completely. It was now time for Plan C!
3. The Vinegar & Baking Soda Method
So in this technique, you take 2 cups of baking soda and 1 cup of vinegar, and dump them together in the toilet bowl. You will witness a wonderful, fizzy chemical reaction take place right in front of your eyes. Again, leave the mixture in there for another 20-30 minutes, (go watch a few cat videos on YouTube or something while you are waiting).
In my situation, after about half an hour or so, when I noticed that the water level was going down, I mustered up the courage to attempt another flush.
I removed the cover from the water tank and did a manual flush (lifting the flapper with my hand), As soon as the bowl started filling up, I put the flapper down and stopped the flow of water.
The water and the fecal matter swirled for a bit and then I heard the magical WHOOSH sound! By golly it worked!! The fudge brownies got sucked into the sewer and my WC was working again!
It took an entire day’s worth of work to get the darn thing working and to cleanup the yucky aftermath from the floor, but the sense of accomplishment was exhilarating.
Hopefully, you never have to experience a calamitous toilet like I did, with poopie-pies everywhere, but if you do, you can refer to the handy guide above… and let me know if it works for ya!
“As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope’s toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope’s toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne.” ― Dan Brown,